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Always

A/N: I’ve had this song on repeat for awhile… it’s about time I wrote to it… such a pretty song… @.@ I didn’t write the lyrics, nor do I claim to have. It’s “Always” sung by Saliva.

Always

It was a cold night, in my empty bed… you were out again. You’re always out now, but you never say where you were… or where you’re going. You leave me alone, lying by myself in our large and empty bed. You leave me and go out, but you never tell me where…

I hear… a voice say “Don’t be so blind”…
It’s telling me all these things…
That you would probably hide…

Sometimes I wonder what you do when you’re out, but that’s your business… so I can’t really ask. But I can’t help but wonder if I’m your only desire… or is there someone else out there? Am I the reason you breathe or cry? Why won’t you tell me anything anymore? Why…?

Am I… your one and only desire…
Am I the reason you breath…
Or am I the reason you cry…

You leave me alone… and I don’t think I can take it anymore. You’re always gone…

Always… always… always… always… always… always…
I just can’t live without you…

You are the reason I live. You’re the one that gives me the life, you’re the one that I live for. I breathe for you, I cry for you, I live for you! But you don’t seem to care… you leave me alone night after night… go out to do whatever you do…

I love you…
I hate you…
I can’t get around you…

Why do you insist on leaving me? Why? Am I no longer good enough, or am I just not what you want? I’ll do whatever you want… if you’ll only come back to me…

I breathe you…
I taste you…
I can’t live without you…

A couple of these nights I’ve thought about just saying the hell with it… and leaving, but I know that if you came back in the middle of the night to an empty bed… that you just might be sad. That you might miss me… but I really can’t tell if you would. Would you miss me?

I just can’t take anymore…
This life of solitude…
I guess that I’m out the door…
And now I’m done with you…

Being alone every night… I think it’s beginning to drive me crazy. The oddest thoughts bottle into my head, just waiting for me to unscrew the cap and let them flow… but I know that if I do, I’ll never see you again. And that isn’t something I want…

I feel… like you don’t want me around…
I guess i’ll pack all my things…
I guess i’ll see you around…

But if you truthfully don’t want me around, then I’ll leave. I love you… but yet I hate you. You’re so damn cruel to me… but I can’t help but love you for who you used to be, the man that held me in his arms, whispering soft nothings into my ears. I just don’t understand why you would give it up…

It’s all… been bottled up until now…
As I walk out your door…
All I can hear is the sound…

The bottle’s been broken, I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m leaving, I’m putting you out of my life. But first, I want to know what you do when you leave… so I’ll wait just one more day… And then I can find out where you go…

Always… always… always… always… always… always…
I just can’t live without you…

I know that when I leave, it’ll be hard. You’ll be in my mind just as much as you are now… but it’ll stop hurting eventually, maybe…

I love you…
I hate you…
I can’t get around you…
I breathe you…
I taste you…
I can’t live without you…

The empty bed is really quite haunting you know. But I bet you don’t know… you sleep in a full bed night after night… before you come back home in the early hours of the morning smelling like the sweet smell of sex… the smell haunts my mind, but I love you…

I just can’t take anymore…
This life of solitude…
I guess that i’m out the door…
And now i’m done with you…

But you’ve hurt me too much! I’m not gonna take it anymore! You’ve left me behind for who knows who? You can have her, him, whoever it may be, just let me live in peace…

I love you…
I hate you…
I can’t live without you…

God damn you! I love you… but I hate you… I just can’t see myself living without you! I’ve lost my mind thinking about you… you will be my demise…

I left my head around your heart…
Why would you tear my world apart…

I can’t understand why you would do such a thing to me… you said once that you loved me… then you said it over and over again, but did it mean anything? I always said I would love you…

Always… always… always… always…

I can feel the tears beginning to fall… and I can hear the latch on the door opening. You’re home early, but why? Wasn’t she there, wasn’t she good enough for you?

I see… the blood all over your hands…
Does it make you feel… more like a man…

Your hands… they’re covered in blood… I don’t understand, what the hell did you do to her? I see your eyes… there’s something in them… I don’t understand… what are you doing…?

Was it all… just a part of your plan…
This pistol’s shakin’ in my hands…
And all I hear is the sound…

The voices are ringing in my head, telling me over and over to stop being so blind… to see what you really are. You’ve been anything but my lover, you’ve been my manipulator… what have you done to me? You’ve left me as nothing but a hollow shell of the man I used to be…

I love you…
I hate you…
I can’t live without you…
I breathe you…
I taste you…
I can’t live without you…

You look at me with a silly grin. But I know you don’t mean you, you have something you want to do to me. And with those blood covered hands… I don’t know what to think. Are you going to kill me like you did her or what? I can’t think… you confuse me… but I still love you…

I just can’t take anymore…
This life of solitude…
I guess that i’m out the door…
And now i’m done with you…

The door isn’t all that far away. I can still run, I can still get away before you kill me in your madness. Or if you aren’t planning on killing me, at leave I can get away before you do whatever you did to get that blood… I have to get out of here before…

I love you…
I hate you…
I can’t live without you…

The tears are stinging as you grow closer, but I can’t move. This life of solitude, my love and hate for you, it’s leaving me paralyzed and I can’t move. The craziness in your eyes grows as you get closer… you’re scaring me… God, what do you have planned for me?

I love you…
I hate you…
I can’t live without you…

You run your blood stained hands over my lips, and begin to whisper into my ears how much you love me, how much you hate me, how you’re done with me… how you’re done with her… you push me to the floor… and begin to yell.

I just can’t take anymore…
This life of solitude…
I pick myself off the floor…
And now i’m done with you…

I don’t take it. I pick myself off the floor, look you straight in the eyes… and then run. I run from you, I run as fast as my tired and sore legs can go, and I go as quickly as I damn well can. I’m done with you…

Always…
Always…
Always…

Always…

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